duality-lonerwolf-min-810x679Over the last month this word KEEPS coming up. So you know I can’t just ignore it at this point. First off let’s look into the definition of the word Duality:

As hinted at by the word “dual” within it, duality refers to having two parts, often with opposite meanings, like the duality of good and evil.

If there are two sides to a coin, metaphorically speaking, there’s a duality. Peace and war, love and hate, up and down, and black and white are dualities. Another term for a duality is a dichotomy.

*Definition provided by: https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/duality

I’ve never considered the possibility that I live my life completely driven by duality, but the more I look into it the more it all makes sense. I grew up with the false belief that if you were good at something, or liked something you had to be ALL IN. Unfortunately I also have always fallen victim to the other extreme, If I feel I can’t do something flawlessly or if I am not entirely “interested” I just don’t even bother.

I also find it very fascinating that I have always been so drawn to the yin/yang sign. It’s good and evil, black and white, up and down, night and day – Duality at its core.


Why I feel Duality has taken a somewhat negative roll in my life: As an example let’s talk about my relationship with food. If I am feeling good and doing good I am on top of the world! However I also get super extreme with it. If life throws me a curve ball or if I slip up and have one bad meal I just go 0-60 and go off the deep end. The phrase “You wouldn’t go and slash all of your other tires just because you have one flat one, so if you have one bad meal don’t destroy the rest of your day” Yeah… that’s not me. Either I have to be good and stay good, or it’s a pizza and wine night for this chick. I’ve also let Duality run a lot of my relationships. If I am ‘vibing’ with someone they are my numero uno and I literally pour my time and energy into them. However I have also completely cut friendships from my life abruptly if I feel it’s going to a dark or toxic place. Don’t get me wrong, I am not bragging about any of this, rather I am trying to get raw and real with you on a personal level so that you can see how Duality has affected me and my life.

I consider myself an awakened and enlightened being, so learning about this word and being open to changes come at impeccable timing. Mindless activity, the spinning of wheels, destructive energies created by lack of direction, these are all behavioral traits that no longer serve me.

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.”

~Thomas Merton

Let’s discuss ways that we can actively make our lives more balanced.

  •  Be Ruthless: It’s a given that if your life is overflowing you will never be able to achieve balance and manage it all. It’s just not possible. From this point on if there is a situation that is not essentially adding value in my life or aligning with my goals I need to stay away from it. I tend to stay busy constantly which is clearly setting myself up for failure and keeping me in a pattern of extreme duality.
  • Steer Clear of the Toxics: Yes I am referring to toxic people. I tend to let anyone and everyone into my life. By being more “picky” from the beginning it allows me to truly have people in my life that are good for me and bring joy to my soul.
  • Spend Time Alone: Making time for you is probably the hardest thing to do for the typical overworked and overwhelmed person, but it is crucial for lowering stress and increasing happiness. Some things to try; meditate, write, sketch, do some yoga or simply sit quietly for a few minutes each day and do absolutely nothing. You can do it!
  • Expand Your Awareness: Take a class, learn to paint or try something new that you’ve always wanted to learn. Read a book that sparks your interest or try listening to uplifting music. Find what interests you.
  • Food to fuel your Soul: I know this is my main area of focus. You can’t live a balanced life if your diet isn’t consistently healthy and nourishing.  Food can be the best medicine or the worst drug. In order to truly live a healthy life you cannot consume things that are bad for you, and yes this includes alcohol. One thing that I am going to work on is practice being more mindful of my meal times and focusing only on the good foods that will fuel me properly. Stepping away from my computer at work during lunch time and avoiding eating in front of the TV are the first steps to being more mindful as you eat.
  • Respect your Temple: I know that if my house is a mess, I am a mess. Might seem silly but you can’t be at peace if you are living in filth. Get a schedule so that you don’t have to spend a whole day cleaning. You don’t want to resent cleaning and organizing. If you do small things daily that keep your home in order I guarantee that it will spill over into the rest of your life.
  • Have Fun: Laugh, play, be silly. After all we aren’t going to make it out of this life alive anyways so connect with your inner child and enjoy yourself!